Narrator (spoken): And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. It's Christmas Eve and Larry is anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus with a plate of cookies.
Larry (sung): Oh Santa!
I can't wait for you to come
I just can't wait for you to come
And I've got cookies
Three yummy cookies
Just for you for when you come
Only for you for when you come
Because it’s Christmas!
*Knock! Knock! Knock!*
Larry: Could that be Santa?
Could that be him?
Could it be the one who brings presents
For a cucumber like me?
A good cucumber like me?
*Opens door.*
Narrator: Larry is surprised to be greeted, not by Santa, but a crafty bank robber.
Larry: Who are you?
Scallion: I'm a bank robber!
And I've come to rob your bank
Oh yes!
I've come to rob your bank
And I've come to take your dimes
And swipe your nickels
So stand back, step aside, you silly pickle!
And let me in!
Narrator (spoken): Over-frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas, Larry makes an offering.
Larry (sung): I'm not a banker
I have no bank, my robbing friend
But I have cookies
Three yummy cookies
And I don't have nickels
But please take this, my robbing friend
Eat one of these, my robbing friend
They are for Santa
But you may have one
Narrator: The bank robber is truly touched by Larry's good will, but Larry, although momentarily distracted, is still excited about seeing Santa.
Larry: Oh Santa!
Scallion: I'm a robber!
Larry: I can't wait for you to come
I just can't wait for you to come
Scallion: I came to rob your bank
Oh yes!
I came to rob your bank
Larry: And I've got cookies
Scallion: You shared a cookie
Larry: Two yummy cookies
Scallion: A yummy cookie
Larry: Just for you for when you come
Only for you for when you come
Scallion: And I came to take your dimes
But perhaps another time
Both: Because it's Christmas!
*Knock! Knock! Knock!*
Larry: Could that be Santa?
Could that be him?
Could it be the one who brings presents
For a cucumber like me?
A good cucumber like me?
*Opens door.*
Narrator: Once again, it is not Santa who has come to Larry's door, but this time a savage Norseman.
Larry: Who are you?
Pa Grape: I'm a Viking!
And I've come to take our land
Oh yes!
I've come to take your land
And I've come to burn your crops and steal your horses
And I've come to step on your chickens
And soil your quilts!
Narrator (spoken): Over-frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas, Larry makes an offering.
Larry (sung): I don't have land
I don't have crops, my Viking friend
But I have cookies
Two yummy cookies
And I don't have horses
But please take this, my Viking friend
Eat one of these, my Viking friend
They are for Santa
But you may have one
Narrator: The Viking is also touched by Larry's good will, but Larry's thoughts are still with Santa.
Larry: Oh Santa!
Pa Grape: I'm a Viking!
Larry: I can't wait for you to come
I just can't wait for you to come
Pa Grape: I came to steal your land
Oh yes!
I came to steal your land
Larry: And I've got cookies
Pa Grape: You shared a cookie
Larry: A yummy cookies
Pa Grape: A yummy cookie
Larry: Just for you for when you come
Only for you for when you come
Pa Grape: And I came to soil your quilts
But now I don't think I wilt
Both: Because it's Christmas!
*Knock! Knock! Knock!*
Larry: Could that be Santa?
Could that be him?
Could it be the one who brings presents
For a cucumber like me?
A good cucumber like me?
*Opens door.*
Narrator: Larry is greeted now by an agent of the Internal Revenue Service.
Larry: Who are you?
Peach (spoken): I'm from the IRS. And I've come to tax your--
*Slam!*
Larry (sung): Oh Santa!
I can't wait for you to come
I just can't wait for you to come...
*Sound of something falling out of chimney.*
Pa Grape: Uh oh.
Larry: It’s finally Santa!
It's finally him!
At last, the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me
A good cucumber like me!
Bob: I'm Santa!
And I've come to bring you gifts
Oh yes! I've come to bring you gifts
And I've come to stuff your stockings
Oh, ho ho ho!
And I've come to wiggle my belly
And wiggle my... nose
Hey! Wait a minute! Isn't that my belt? And what are you doing with my hat? So you're the ones!
Scallion: Wait a minute, I can explain!
Pa Grape: We've changed!
Bob: Nobody messes with Santa! You know that, don't you? You've been very naughty! And I've got a list! *Chases Pa Grape and Scallion outside.*
Peach: Did you claim that? *Follows them.*
Larry: Merry...Christmas!