Narrator (spoken): And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. It's Christmas Eve and Larry is anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus with a plate of cookies.

 

Larry (sung): Oh Santa!

I can't wait for you to come

I just can't wait for you to come

And I've got cookies

Three yummy cookies

Just for you for when you come

Only for you for when you come

Because itís Christmas!

 

*Knock! Knock! Knock!*

 

Larry: Could that be Santa?

Could that be him?

Could it be the one who brings presents

For a cucumber like me?

A good cucumber like me?

 

*Opens door.*

 

Narrator: Larry is surprised to be greeted, not by Santa, but a crafty bank robber.

 

Larry: Who are you?

 

Scallion: I'm a bank robber!

And I've come to rob your bank

Oh yes!

I've come to rob your bank

And I've come to take your dimes

And swipe your nickels

So stand back, step aside, you silly pickle!

And let me in!

 

Narrator (spoken): Over-frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas, Larry makes an offering.

 

Larry (sung): I'm not a banker

I have no bank, my robbing friend

But I have cookies

Three yummy cookies

And I don't have nickels

But please take this, my robbing friend

Eat one of these, my robbing friend

They are for Santa

But you may have one

 

Narrator: The bank robber is truly touched by Larry's good will, but Larry, although momentarily distracted, is still excited about seeing Santa.

 

Larry: Oh Santa!

 

Scallion: I'm a robber!

 

Larry: I can't wait for you to come

I just can't wait for you to come

 

Scallion: I came to rob your bank

Oh yes!

I came to rob your bank

 

Larry: And I've got cookies

 

Scallion: You shared a cookie

 

Larry: Two yummy cookies

 

Scallion: A yummy cookie

 

Larry: Just for you for when you come

Only for you for when you come

 

Scallion: And I came to take your dimes

But perhaps another time

 

Both: Because it's Christmas!

 

*Knock! Knock! Knock!*

 

Larry: Could that be Santa?

Could that be him?

Could it be the one who brings presents

For a cucumber like me?

A good cucumber like me?

 

*Opens door.*

 

Narrator: Once again, it is not Santa who has come to Larry's door, but this time a savage Norseman.

 

Larry: Who are you?

 

Pa Grape: I'm a Viking!

And I've come to take our land

Oh yes!

I've come to take your land

And I've come to burn your crops and steal your horses

And I've come to step on your chickens

And soil your quilts!

 

Narrator (spoken): Over-frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas, Larry makes an offering.

 

Larry (sung): I don't have land

I don't have crops, my Viking friend

But I have cookies

Two yummy cookies

And I don't have horses

But please take this, my Viking friend

Eat one of these, my Viking friend

They are for Santa

But you may have one

 

Narrator: The Viking is also touched by Larry's good will, but Larry's thoughts are still with Santa.

 

Larry: Oh Santa!

 

Pa Grape: I'm a Viking!

 

Larry: I can't wait for you to come

I just can't wait for you to come

 

Pa Grape: I came to steal your land

Oh yes!

I came to steal your land

 

Larry: And I've got cookies

 

Pa Grape: You shared a cookie

 

Larry: A yummy cookies

 

Pa Grape: A yummy cookie

 

Larry: Just for you for when you come

Only for you for when you come

 

Pa Grape: And I came to soil your quilts

But now I don't think I wilt

 

Both: Because it's Christmas!

 

*Knock! Knock! Knock!*

 

Larry: Could that be Santa?

Could that be him?

Could it be the one who brings presents

For a cucumber like me?

A good cucumber like me?

 

*Opens door.*

 

Narrator: Larry is greeted now by an agent of the Internal Revenue Service.

 

Larry: Who are you?

 

Peach (spoken): I'm from the IRS. And I've come to tax your--

 

*Slam!*

 

Larry (sung): Oh Santa!

I can't wait for you to come

I just can't wait for you to come...

 

*Sound of something falling out of chimney.*

 

Pa Grape: Uh oh.

 

Larry: Itís finally Santa!

It's finally him!

At last, the one who brings presents for a cucumber like me

A good cucumber like me!

 

Bob: I'm Santa!

And I've come to bring you gifts

Oh yes! I've come to bring you gifts

And I've come to stuff your stockings

Oh, ho ho ho!

And I've come to wiggle my belly

And wiggle my... nose

 

Hey! Wait a minute! Isn't that my belt? And what are you doing with my hat? So you're the ones!

 

Scallion: Wait a minute, I can explain!

 

Pa Grape: We've changed!

 

Bob: Nobody messes with Santa! You know that, don't you? You've been very naughty! And I've got a list! *Chases Pa Grape and Scallion outside.*

 

Peach: Did you claim that? *Follows them.*

 

Larry: Merry...Christmas!