Archibald: One day

While he was waiting for the trolley

He had a hat

Larry: My high silk hat!

Archibald: He wore it

High upon his head so proudly

A beautiful hat

Larry: My high silk hat!

Archibald: A hat

That just makes him feel so grandly

Now fancy this

And fancy that

The splendor

Of his hat in all its majesty

Larry: Like a king

In a royal cap!

I feel so swell and handsome in my hat!

I bet that others wish they had, in fact

Both: A hat as this

A hat as that

A hat so fine

A high silk hat!

Larry: Oh, Mr. Art Bigotti

Now what do you think of that?

Archibald: Now his hat

Was not all he wore so proudly

I must in fact

Share more than that

For upon his lap there sat a treat so fondly

Of chocolate this

Larry: And chocolate that

Archibald: Deliciousness

That makes him feel so dandy

A chocolate bliss

Larry: A chocolate snack

Chorus: Confections

Such as these are more than candy

Somewhat like life

A box of that

Larry: I have my chocolate placed upon my lap

I feel so good you just cannot top that

I have my snack

A chocolate pack

Of chocolate this

And chocolate that!

Oh, golly, Mr. Nezzer

Now what do you think of that?

Archibald: Now time was passing

And the sun grew hotter

Upon his hat

Chorus: And chocolate snack

Archibald: So beneath his hat he thought and pondered

Larry: What should I do

To save my hat

Archibald: He thought and contemplated

As he perspired

Beneath his hat

Chorus: Upon his lap

Archibald: He feared

His chocolate treats would soon retire

Into a pool

Chorus: A chocolate vat!

Larry: I won't feel grand

If I take off my hat

The sun's getting hot

And my hat just might go flat

My hat it might go flat

And my sweets will melt like that

Oh hurry, mister trolley

Before my dapperness goes flat!

Archibald: He decided

To forego his look so dashing

To save his hat

Jean Claude: And little snack!

Archibald: So he placed

The treats upon the seat beside him

Mr. Nezzer: And put his hat

On top of that!

Larry: Oh please

Chorus: Oh please, oh please

Larry: Don’t anybody

Sit close to me

Chorus: Sit close to me

Larry: Upon my hat

Chorus: Upon my hat

Larry: I ask

If all of you could be so kindly

And just stand back

Away from my snack!

*Squish*

Larry: A great big squash just sat upon my hat!

A great big squash just squished my hat real flat!

He squashed my hat

He made it flat

He squished my snack

Oh what of that!

Oh, tell my anybody

Now what do you think of that?

Chorus (and people gathered near Larry's bench):

A great big squash just sat upon his hat!

A great big enormous squash just squished his hat real flat!

He squished his hat

He made it flat

He squished his snack

Oh what of that...

*Trolley comes, everyone but Larry gets on, and trolley leaves.*

Larry (to passing scallion): Oh golly! Uh...what's your name?

Scallion: They've never given me a name. I've been around since show one, and I still don't have a name...

Larry: Now what do you think of that?